Far From Perfect
by Rogue Darth Skywalker
Summary: Darth Vader is dead. Anakin is redeemed and lives on Naboo with Padme and their children. But not all happy endings are perfect.


**Yet another tragic one-shot... clearly I have a problem. Updates on all my other stories are coming soon! I promise! Not The Boy You Used To Know is currently a pain, but the others are all coming along nicely, I just keep hopping from one to another too much.**

 **Just a general info thing: recently switched my tumblr blog around so please follow the new blog .com for updates and such.**

 **As for this story, I am considering writing more chapters for this from the perspectives of the rest of the Skywalker fam... what do you think?**

 **As always, Happy reading!**

 **-DFD**

* * *

The sound of her children playing in the lake brought a smile to her face as she watched them from the shore. Luke and Leia laughed mercilessly as they splashed one another and raced around an invisible course. Padme had played with them for close to two hours before they had tired her out enough that she took to resting on a towel to dry. She wished Anakin would come down with them when the twins want to swim. She knows they would love it if he would even if he doesn't get in the water with them. But at the same time, she understood why he didn't.

Of all the lies Palpatine filled his head with, it would seem he had been correct when he said Anakin's injuries from Mustafar could not be healed. True, injuries were not treated with the most effective care and his cybernetic limbs drilled ruthlessly into his bones, but the internal damage was treated the only way possible- with a ventilator and life support system he had to wear at all times.

Padme looked back towards the lake house balcony and as she expected, a hooded figure stood, watching. Raising her hand, she waved at the figure who returned the gesture. After being trapped in the ghastly suit and mask of Darth Vader for close to six years, he had finally been freed from both his master and the suit. No longer did he have to wear full armor and a mask that covered his entire head. Now all he had to wear was a smaller transparent mask that covered his mouth and nose and his life support system was no longer as clunky as the black box he had once had, instead, it was smaller- only slightly larger than his hand. And in the five years since then, nothing else has changed.

The burns that covered his entire body were healing slowly but his hair would probably never grow back and he hated how the scars seemed to age him beyond his thirty-four years. It was one of the reasons he rarely ever left their home- the reason he almost always had the hood of his cloak over his head when he was outside.

"Time to come in," Padme called out to the twins who gave a groan of protest. She shook her head and rose from the towel, dusting the sand from her legs as she gathered the towels to wrap the kids in. The twins trudged begrudgingly over to her, and she shook her head, "Come on you two," She said, "Your father is waiting for us." The mention of Anakin got them to move faster, both of them grabbing towels from her outstretched arms before bounding up the incline towards the steps to the house. After making sure she had everything they had brought down, she made her way up the stairs as well.

"…And then Luke held me under so long I almost drowned," Leia said as Padme stepped onto the balcony. The twins sat on either side of the square table next to their father as they entertained him with stories from the game they had played.

Anakin's hood was still drawn over the top of his head and his hands lost in the folds of his cloak. The clear ventilator over his nose and mouth would make a soft airy hum as it inhaled for him, and a light hiss as it exhaled for him. The sound was not as menacing as Vader's had been and it was much quieter making it less noticeable.

"Did not!" Luke argued, "I _pushed_ her under, I didn't hold her down. She's exaggerating."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Alright!" Anakin called, ending the argument. His voice was not as booming as it once had been and had a slight crack to it when he raised his voice. "You can argue about who did what later. Dinner is here," He said just as C-3PO came out with their meals. "Did you enjoy your swim as well?" He asked Padme as she took her seat across from him.

She smiled, "Yes, they wore me out, though. You can help them with their homework tonight," She said as plates were put in front of her and the children. He never ate with them. He couldn't. As much as they all wanted to, the damage to his lungs prevented him from being able to remove the ventilator he wore unless he was in his hyperbaric chamber. Instead, he would either have his dinner before or after them.

Anakin smiled as he sat back in his seat watching his family eat, "Looking forward to it," He said as conversation picked up and the twins fought for their father's ear.

* * *

With dinner finished and C-3PO cleaning up, Padme took the liberty of folding the laundry in her bedroom. When the war ended five years ago, she had dismissed most of the staff in order to protect her family's privacy. While few knew of her husband's former tenure as Darth Vader, they agreed it was safer to ensure that closed circle who did know, remained closed. And given how Anakin felt about his physical appearance, the lack of staff gave him the space he needed to slowly adjust to his face being seen. Padme remembered how difficult it had been for him to let her see his face after they had been reunited. He had been so insecure, so afraid she would be repulsed that it had taken months before he allowed her to see and it had been equally challenging to get him to let the twins see. And eventually he did, and despite the initial shock, he had been wrong. His physical appearance didn't matter to them- didn't change how much they loved him.

As she reached the bottom of the pile, she heard the loud echo of Luke and Leia's footfalls as they ran down the hall. Padme sighed and went to stand in the doorway. "Aren't you supposed to be doing your homework with your father?" She asked with a raised brow as they came to stop in front of her.

"Finished," Leia said simply.

"Oh really?" She asked, knowing very well they had an exam coming up.

Leia sighed, "If you're worried about the test," She started, reading her mind, "Don't worry, it's just on the book we've been reading in class. It's easy."

Her eyes narrowed slightly, "Then I should expect you both to do well then, correct?" She asked, eyeing them both. The twins nodded before she sent them on their way to whatever game they were playing.

"Oh," Leia called, turning back to her, "Dad's in the bacta tank. He forgot clean clothes," She said before running to join her brother.

Padme closed her eyes and took a deep breath before returning to the pile of clothes. After bringing the two piles of the twin's clothes to their rooms, she returned to her own and sifted through the small pile of Anakin's clothes for his sleep pants and tunic. His health problems meant that they had to install a bacta tank in one of the empty rooms. It was the one room she liked to avoid especially when he was inside. The tank couldn't help his lungs, but it did help his scars and the pain he still had in his limbs from the prosthetics Palpatine had given him. While Anakin had long since replaced the limbs with more comfortable ones that were fitted properly to him, the legs still bothered him every few days or after standing or walking for long periods of time. Supposedly the reason for this had something to do with how the body copes with the loss of the limbs and how it adjusts to the prosthetics. And given the terrible way he had lost his legs before catching fire and how his body had been haphazardly put back together, she can only imagine the horror his body endured and how stressful the transition had been for him.

The medical room where the bacta tank was located was at the back of the house with a durasteel door and a keypad lock that only she and Anakin knew the combination for. Neither of them felt comfortable with giving the twins access to the room just yet and while they did know about their father's medical issues, they wanted to try to spare them the full extent of it as best they could. Padme took a moment standing in front of the door to collect herself. She had only seen him in the tank a handful of times and each time she found it difficult to keep a handle on her emotions. Seeing him floating in the tank, naked and limbless was the most blatant reminder of everything he had lost- everything they both had lost. Before she could key in the code, the door opened and she jumped.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," Anakin said. He had clearly just gotten out of the tank as his body was dripping with bacta and he had a towel hastily wrapped around his waist. Despite the pale scars that littered his body, she could not deny the effect his presence had on her especially when he was wet. His body had always been an impressive sight she could still remember the feel of his body as she would press herself to him, she remembered the feel of his hard body, the power of his muscles as she felt him move above her, the feel of him inside her, hitting her very core in just the right ways; she would give anything to be close to him like that again.

Padme shook her head, "It's fine," She said, handing him the clothes and forcing herself not to look at the life support module embedded in his torso. "Did the kids finish their work?" She asked.

"Yeah, Luke was going to help Leia study for their math test."

"Math test? Leia told me it was on a book they read in class," She said, shaking her head with a sigh.

Anakin let out a light chuckle, "They're not very good at lying," He said.

"Leia needs to get better grades if she's going to get into the Legislative Youth Program," She said, "If she keeps slacking off like this, I'm not going to sign the application form."

He nodded, and ran a hand over his bald head, "I'll talk to her," He said, "You know how much she wants to go, she's just not very driven when she isn't interested in the subject."

Padme nodded in agreement, "Clearly that didn't come from my side of the family," She said jokingly.

He smiled and shook his head, "Clearly not, but I'll get her to move."

They stood in silence for several moments, the tension almost palpable between them. "I'll let you finish up here," She said, noticing the goose pimples starting to form on his arms and stepped back to allow him to close the door.

* * *

Padme sat at her vanity brushing her hair as she always did before bed. The simple routine had been a part of her nightly ritual since she had been Queen and offered her the time and peace needed to reflect and think without the opportunity of outside forces impinging her opinion. And it was during this time where she was forced to look at her life and see how far it was from what she ever could have envisioned. True, she has her children who mean the world to her, but the political career she had worked so hard for was gone- forced into retirement to protect her family from the legacy of her husband and not even able to work in smaller political arenas. She can live without it, but she would be lying if she said she didn't wish she could do something. Bail and Mon still keep her up to date on the state of the Senate and the New Republic and there is still so much work to be done and she wishes she could help even a little. As for Anakin… there was so much she wished was different.

Her eyes caught movement behind her in the reflection of the mirror. Looking up, she watched as Anakin entered the room and walked over to the hyperbaric chamber, pressing the button to open it. "I spoke with Leia," He said as he took his seat in the chamber and reached behind his head to unclasp the breathing mask that covered his nose and mouth. The chamber was allowed to remain open for about twenty minutes or so before the atmosphere was compromised. "She's angry, as you can imagine," He said, shaking his head and running his hand over his head, "Thinks we're just trying to hold her back to spite her. She's like me- too much like me." Padme watched as his eyes fell, his mind clearly drifting back to the time just before the twins were born.

"She's the best of both of us," She said in an attempt to keep him from going there. "They both are," She continued, standing up and walking over to him. "They're not going to fall," She said, leaning against the wall beside him. "They have us, and we are teaching them all that we can to ensure they don't make our mistakes."

Anakin scoffed, " _Our_ mistakes, don't you mean _my_ mistakes? If I hadn't-"

"Don't," Padme said as she moved to enter the pod and knelt before him, taking both his hands in hers, "Don't do this, not again. We've been over this, and it's in the past," She said as she moved again, this time straddling his waist. Her hands cupped his cheeks, forcing him to look at her.

"I still don't understand how you could forgive me," He whispered, "After everything… how can you stand to even look at me?"

"I love you," She said simply. "And it wasn't entirely your fault. Palpatine tricked you. He'd been manipulating you and planting seeds if distrust in you from the moment you met. It would be hard for anyone to combat that." She could still see the doubt in his eyes and decided on another course of action to push the regret away. Leaning forward, she pressed her lips softly to his. It took a few moments longer than usual for him to respond, but when he did she smiled as she kissed him again, and again, her arms pulling her body closer to him as his wrapped around her waist.

Before long, the kiss turned needy, both of them desperate for more. "I want to touch you," He groaned against her ear as he took her earlobe between his teeth and bit down hard. His grip on her hips was hard but she didn't care. She knew how the touch receptors in his limbs made feeling any pleasurable sensation difficult and she wasn't going to stop him from feeling the pleasure they both longed for.

Padme moaned as she ground herself against his hardening shaft, "Then touch me," She said, bringing her lips to his throat as her hand reached between them to pull at the strings of his pants.

Before she could release him, the light beep from the hyperbaric chamber forced them to stop. The atmosphere of the chamber was close to being compromised. Which meant he would either have to close the chamber or put the mask back on.

Padme stepped back out of the chamber. "I'm sorry," He said, his voice hoarse from the compromised atmosphere.

She shook her head, "It's fine," She said, "It's late anyway, you need your rest."

Anakin didn't look convinced by her words but he couldn't argue, not now. With a soft goodnight, the dome of the chamber closed, sealing him away for the night.

With a deep, shuttered breath, Padme walked over to her bed and pulled back the covers. As much as she wanted him, as much as he wanted her, they both knew that kind of a relationship between them was virtually impossible. Intimacy put too much strain on his heart and lungs, strain his life support system could not correct for. As she lay in bed, her mind drifted back to the last time they had been together like that. It had been during the ten days of furlough he had been given during the Clone Wars. It was when Luke and Leia had been conceived over ten years ago. Ten long years without his touch and oh, how she missed the ways he could make her body sing. Padme closed her eyes fighting back the tears that she longed to let fall. So long as his health was an issue, she would never share a bed with him again. So long as things were the way they were, she would never have any more children, never have anything close to a normal life with him.

She loves Anakin. She loves him more than words can say, but is it so wrong to want more? To want things to be the way they had once been? Maybe she is just being selfish or maybe she is growing tired of using her hand instead of her husband to satisfy the ache she feels. Either way, it does not change what her life is. It doesn't change that her life is far from perfect.


End file.
